Monday, January 15, 2018

Was it better when we only heard the news?

One cup of coffee, watch the news for how many weathers we will get for the day and I might as well be watching a disaster movie.  Volcano blows in New Guinea, 7.1 earthquake in Peru and a plane skids off the landing strip and falls over a cliff.  I couldn't believe it was just stuck on the cliff and didn't go further and crunch into the sea.  Everyone was saved, even with my dodgy knees I'd have been up that cliff in a rush.  And a fish sank one of the yatchs coming home from Tassie.  
They think it might have been one of these, a Sunfish or Mola Mola. Not only is the sunfish the world's heaviest bony fish, with some individuals weighing in at a staggering 2.3 tonnes, but it also possesses a truly bizarre body shape, likened to a gigantic 'swimming head'. The sunfish has no tail, with the caudal fin reduced to a rudder-like structure, called the clavus. 
With a head like that it could run and win for Parliament.  I was watching the Great Barrier Reef last night, might as well while we still have it and this object likes to swim up to the warm waters and have smaller fish chew off its parasites then swims down to the colder waters again.
See, I told you, Parliament.  The Front benchers crawl after the back benchers when they want a vote then piss them off  when they don't need them.

Anybody watch the 17 hours of the Ghan?  I could only suffer that from inside the train with unlimited booze and food and a good book.  The night before I watched the last five minutes which was absolutely riveting.  Driver's voice and a mile back down the track, another voice, counting off the carriages as they drew into the station, right down to the last 6 feet.  I tried another channel and got the cricket and near died of excitement.

Do try and watch the news tonight and do not switch off when Barmy Joyce rattles on about the inland rail which he talks about as though he is going to personally lay every block of wood along the entire length while carrying a rail on each shoulder.   Just keep your eyes on the 'tit fer tat', it is hilarious.  A giant orange pumpkin sitting on a smaller beady eyed pumpkin, nay not so much orange as neon glow orange or maybe it was yellow, my eyes were beginning to glaze over.
Now he's involved in the usual bunfight about Australia Day, honestly the man is a multi-tasking mouth.  I'm sorry I couldn't find a photo but I think the Mola Mola deserves its moment in the sun, alone.
 



Friday, January 12, 2018

12 days into the new year and where am I?

Exactly where I was last year so much so I picked up my diary and peeled back the cover to put a nice fabric and ribbon on it when I realized it was last year's diary which I never got the time to put fabric and ribbon on.  It was glancing at the first week which was so like this week and I'm easily confused these days.  So now I have two diaries to cover.  My sister says time wasting but I hate writing in a naked book and she also called me a hoarder but then a neighbour needed an item the other day and I had the very item and it probably has been in the same place for the last 5 years.  Excuse, I was just interrupted by delivery man carrying more mother work for me.  I will just love sitting down this afternoon cutting the exact size in the colostomy bags after I unpack from the individual plastic bags, take away the paper, pop off the stiff plastic protector from 30 of the bloody things and put the plastic clips on the bottom.  At least I don't have to pay for them if I don't count the taxi fare to get them to her.  And that will fix the arthritis in that hand for about 3 days. 
Doc Marvin is still looking after her and he told me to take my time fixing up the grave as she'll be here for some time.  I may have to kill him, all the crappy doctors in the system and she had to get the best one ever.   

 Did I blog the bushfire in Cheltenham?  Went through the Park, clipped the golf course and burnt two patches in the Pioneer Cemetary and in one of those patches was the family grave.  That's how the year started.  Sister went to see what damage was done, mostly watery ash, she said.  I'll go and clean the plaques in case she gets all house wifey and uses metal polish when bronze should only be cleaned with furniture polish.  There, see, I do have the theory of house cleaning, I just don't have the inclination to use it.  I forgot, after 10 or 11 years, certain members of the family have just discovered what a blog is and that I have one, so if I insult anyone, it's intentional and if you don't like it, don't read it and piss off.

And shut up any pious readers, I'm in pain and according to our beloved Government pain killers will not do me any good and I should find an alternative, I have, I swear a lot and loudly.
This heat has made the arthritis flare up and my usual swearing doesn't seem to work as well as it used to. I even had a shower at midnight last night, didn't help.  Perhaps I should haunt the wharves again and polish up my salty vocab although seeing  "spotted dick" Dutton's head is enough to bring up breakfast and antique blasphemies.  There are so many Parliamentarians who I would love to see standing on a landmine (trigger word, hello Asio) he is the one who is top of the list.  Fancy that creep gathering up all the power to, pardon while I chortle, keep us safe when a cockroach could take him down with one mandible.  I like that word, mandible, sounds so butch and cockroaches are really butch but I don't know if they have mandibles.  Oh wow, a vision of spotted dick disappearing under a herd of snapping mandibles.  I suppose it was maudling Malcolm who made him minister for killing anyone who won't eat a lamb chop on Australia Day.

Apart from still trying to clean up last year's clutter/mess/mustneverthrowout/books, I am also tossing a 6 foot tall bookcase full of mother videos not dvds but the other lumping great things.  I cry at the  money spent on them but the op shops won't touch them and after ma's shredded the tapes I couldn't say they would be in good condition.  To the right of me is a CD tower of her favourite music, discs which took me a week to put back in the right covers.  She said the other day that she'd listened to Shumann's or Shubert's (always get them mixed up, one was married to Clara and the other died of syphilus) Unfinished Symphony and loved it, never heard it before, 3 copies in that tower plus several triple up Mozart's everything he ever composed. 
Maybe I'll have a cup of tea and think of what to do or just go to sleep in the chair while a machine does my washing.

Monday, January 01, 2018

Keep reminding me it's a new year while I shake off the old one.

This was one of 2017's super moon but we have 3 in this new year.  Nature saved the best til last and that will be a blood moon at the end of January.  Apparently it's best seen from Adelaide so hang on River, there could be a mob at your door from moon rise to moon set.

2017 was not a good year, hardly a month when I was not ill.  Mother is still with us although she did not look good on Christmas Day.  If there is one Royal Commission we should have, it's a thorough going over the Aged Care Homes, not for just the care but for the pittance they pay the staff, the inadequate training they receive and the sneaky methods these so called 'not for profit' organizations manage to stay a mm within the law.  So few staff were on for Christmas Day, it was disgraceful, the girls were exhausted and the 'not for profit' refuses to pay for extra Agency Staff when needed.  Mother wasn't settled down for night until 11 p.m. and she'd been up at 7.30 a.m., put to bed at 4.30 and I didn't leave until she'd eaten some food,  didn't fancy her usual egg sandwiches but the chef made mince pie with custard disappeared in a flash.

In an interesting co-incidence I had ordered beautiful silk and silk paper peony roses to renew the rather tatty flowers at the family grave in the Pioneer Cemetary in Cheltenham.  The next day a fire started in the Park, skirted the golf course and hit two spots at the cemetary.  The grave wasn't damaged but the flowers were nicely singed.
If you're cemetary loving type then take a tour here . 

New Year's Eve was so quiet around here, it was almost spooky.  I believe the fireworks in Sydney and Melbourne were spectacular but call me Grinch when I think of them as an appalling waste of money.  The Bear has been through so many thunderstorms  lately that he's lost his fear of loud bangs, he just curled up a little tighter in my NEW second hand Laura Ashley arm chair.  It is so comfortable to relax in so naturally Mr Luxury has taken it over.

I have a plumber coming tomorrow to give me bad or good news.  I could hear running water in the kitchen but everything was dry so I tried outside and the hose was gushing brown water, that's rusty water.  The tap was turned off tight so it's either a washer (hope) or a pipe has gone behind the brick wall and the plaster (please no).  But forty year old  copper pipes are not destined to last forever.  I keep moving the hose to the citrus trees and they are loving it.  I've had a bumper crop of Mandarins this years and the possums have been in Heaven but have no manners at all and leave the peel all over the front yard and the footpath and the nature strip. I have visions of several sitting in the paperbark tree and catching the fruit thrown over my 6 foot high brick fence.  The little green parrots are back in the apple tree and I'm not sure which bird has been enjoying the oranges.  It must have a long delicate beak since the round skins sit in the yard completely empty of pulp, just a small hole in the top.  Lovely though to walk out and get a fresh orange for the vodka and the limes will be ready for the Gin in about 2 weeks.

I had a slight problem with the Christmas cards this year, I'd like to say the dog ate them but it was my mother.  She can barely use her hands to cut out for her cards so she just took mine.
She needs to have something to do even if it takes her a week so the brain thought and when a wedding invitation caught my eye, I tracked down invites on ebay.  Some will let you buy a sample so that's what I did, trawled through and found some beautiful laser cut cards.  All she has to do is stick jewells and pearls on the front and post.  Fixed the problem of jewells and pearls being too big, she took my small ones I'd bought for my Christmas cards so that's why you lot aren't getting any this year.  There are presents, everywhere and Annie O'Dyne is getting
a 5 year old one.  How I could have kicked it under the bed and forgotten where it landed is beyond me, I mean 5 years ago my brain was still working.  Dear Annie I will brush 5 years of dust off before I send it.   

Now if you don't get another post for a week, it only means that an entire bookcase of videos has fallen on me and I am being used as food by the Bear.  Wish me luck. 

Saturday, September 02, 2017

Half of me is back.

It's been a stinker of a year and I'm still not sure of making the end of December.  Mother has nearly died twice but she's still here trying to outlive her twin sister.

I have 2/3 of a complete depression which I'm sure will disappear when Optusnet decides that I don't owe them nearly $700 for doing nothing except give me depression.  They have handed me over to the debt collectors who are a call centre employed by Optus in Manila where all calls go to die.
I don't ring from home, I sit in the Optus Centre at Southland and sit and sit while in Manila they play pass the phone around the call centre but it is not my money.   They are now going to go through all the calls made since this nonsense started, well that's going to be an education in Australian swearing.

I also fell over.  As Annie O'Dyne says, rubbish bins have a negative force field and she's right. I just lost my balance slightly and went down on the nature strip but avoided rolling into the gutter and on to the road.  Managed to crawl upright and pull myself away from any 4 wheel drives.

I could see my neighbour hadn't put his bin out so I just waited for help.  Trouble was I had put on my nightdress then remembered the bins so I threw on a dress and my old comfy horse blanket. Didn't think I would need knickers being a short stroll down the drive. How wrong can one be.  The nature strip is not lush grass, it's sand and couch grass and tree roots. Sand up the wazoo and scratches over the large backside.  See, did you immedately hear you mother yelling about clean underwear in case of accidents.

Lovely man from just around the corner did a U turn and asked if he could help so I rang the ambo's and waited. I know motor bikes can be really huge but splonked on the ground they look the size of an aircraft carrier. Neighbour comes out and nearly has a heart attack but recovers nicely to ask if I had room in my bin for some of his rubbish.  Other neighbour arrives home and offers to put a rope on the tow bar and pull me up which probably would have worked but the traffic was starting and I didn't care to be mid air with the sound of screeching brakes.  The neighbours took photos, lovely of them.

By now motor bike man had picked up his daughter from Day Care and the sun was disappearing and I was chilling.  All the cars stopped to help and I felt like saying, "Beached whale, move along, nothing to see here".  Ambos turned up with the right pump up cushion and I was the centre of attention again. Being on uneven ground, one pump went one way, next pump went the other so there was a neighbour to the left of me, neighbour to the right of me and she was getting the hang of pumping, ambos to the front to stop me going too far over. With the walker in front and on the last pump, I was up and walking. The girls said they should have these pump up cushions in every ambulance until I let them know they cost up to $4000.   I walked quite steadily inside where my blood pressure was 190/90, a tad high but worse my core temperature was down below what it should be.  Sitting on crappy sand and grass with the moon coming up will do that. I wasn't going to hospital, they tried to insist but I had a date with a sand remover.

Motor bike man thought it was lovely that the Bear was sitting behind to gate to watch over me. Not likely, he hadn't been fed yet.
The next day is always the worse with sore bits and hurting muscles and I had to go to Optus who had sent me an account which I couldn't leave for too long and I was in the mood for punching someone.

So Spring has sprung and I'm sneezing, it's supposed to snow next week and I'm wondering if they'll let me take the Bear to Debtor's Prison.  One bright ray of sunshine was finding out what we all knew but he confirmed, the mad monk is a pisspot. 

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Almost normal

I can't believe how long it is since I had enough energy to blog.
Most of May is a blank and you will be pleased about that since I contracted a vile bacterial infection that laid me flat on my back for nearly two weeks.
I know I've said some crappy things about my sister over the years but when she knew what I was going through, she arrived with face mask, rubber gloves and starting washing the unspeakable towells that were in the bath. She even washed the dishes and vac'd the carpet. I don't think I've ever been so glad to see her before.

Three home visits from Doc Marvin and his offsider and the right medication and I started to recover and this morning I walked to the shop for my first coffee in over a month.  Coffee is the first thing I go off when I'm crook.  But parched and trying to eat to take pills, a mouthful of ice cold lemonade is divine.

In the middle of all this the nbn shows up again.  And Optusnet is lucky it shuts down for the weekend.  After 5 calls this week I could not stand another imbecile to hate and want to punch. I now have internet, mobile but no landlines, I don't even know if the mobile is wifi or still pre-paid.
The nbn 2nd moron without telling me moved the connection outside next to my bedroom. The nbn 3rd had a brain and asked me was that where I wanted it, no, two windows down next to my study where the bloody computer is.  He was good, even put back the loose tiles for me, did something he wasn't supposed to but I did look like death and connected the nbn thingy.  All this after I'd dragged so much out of the sewing room so the guy could get to the corner which they never used.  The study, I didn't touch so this poor bloke had to crawl through the shredding carpet, dust and rubbish to put in the whatever.  The saga is continuing and I have some Optus piece of crud coming out next Friday to make sure everything is set. I will hide the geologist's pick and the hammer.

Next on the list was the specialist for sinus.  I had to dye my hair,  it had turned white while I was ill but still had some red on the tips.  I looked like a cockatoo.  I had been too weak to shower and was washing in the bathroom basin but I needed a shower.  I had everything ready including a chair to sit on while I dried off.  Carefully into the shower, wash dye out of hair, wash legs while I'm bending over because standing up makes me woozy but a sort of bang made me stand up quickly as the hot water tap sprayed boiling water everywhere.  Fortunately I don't have a fixed shower head and banged the arm down to the wall and I'm stuck in the corner.  After edging my way out and standing in the cold I still manage to wash.  After that I rang SE water faults and the girl asked if that noise was the water running, Niagra Falls was still going.  Could I go outside and turn off the water, no.
Do you have a plumber, no.  I've always called them for plumbers involving loads of water so she had one in the area. He arrived, 20 minutes later the disintegrated washer in the tap was fixed and so was my $105.00.

Next day, cold and I never realized how far away North Road Brighton was as I watched the taxi fare climb.  Half hour in a freezing cold (oh how I hate polished board floors) waiting room and slightly more than half an hour, consultation and camera up my nose (no, I didn't want to watch a movie of the inside of my nose) no cancer or tumour , deviated septum and he lost interest in operating when I let him know I didn't have medibank Private.  Out I go to the desk where I'm presented with a $335.00 account, oh yes he bulkbills after you pay, thank goodness for credit cards, done and I got a refund in the bank before I was home.  Raining now, taxi at least knew where he was going and another fist full of notes disappeared.

I don't know the results yet because I'm still saving for my doctor.  Mick the mower beat him to the last of my savings.  And there is still two pairs of glasses to be picked up, $200 each but I had money back on those because it was only lens.

And just to edge me closer to breakdown, I have Annie O'Dyne driving around Melbourne from up bush and Antikva telling me she wasn't well and me yelling get to the hospital and by the time she took notice, she had to be operated on. Thank God we live at opposite ends of the state or we'd probably kill each other.   Mother is fine, thanks for not asking.  She got such a shock at how I looked, pre hair renovation, that she insisted I stay home and just ring her.  Of course I don't have a landline, thanks Optus, thanks Malcolm Turnbull, you cretinous moron.